I cannot believe it has been three short months, since I gave birth to my precious little girl. It seems crazy to say, but it feels like she's always been here. Like in a strange way, she has been a part of our family from day one. It's hard to formulate into words how she has balanced us out, but our family just feels whole.
As of recently, her birth is starting to become a distant memory for me, as we are starting to get back into our routines. Before it's a complete blur, I wanted to make sure I documented it. Hopefully, Zoe will read this story, one day, and realize how much I fought for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually...how much I loved her and tried my best to cherish every part of her.
A little disclaimer before I begin...
I will be writing everything down as I remember it. So, my storytelling, grammar, etc. may not be the best. This is more of a free writing journal entry. So, please take it as such. Also, picture quality will be very poor. As you will soon discover, Zoe's birth was somewhat traumatic, and the last thing on our minds was taking a picture.
With that said, I hope you enjoy our story...
Zoe was born on her due date, November 11, 2014. She let out one big cry, then opened her eyes to this big, new world. It was almost like she realized she was home, and began to look at everything. They laid her, immediately, on my chest, where she stayed for a good hour. She never fell asleep. She just looked around with a look on her face that said...I know these people, this is my home.
The moment I became pregnant with Zoe, I knew it. I guess after 2 kids, you immediately know that shift in your body. I took a test, and sure enough, it was positive. I was unsure of my feelings at that time for so many reasons. Yes, in my heart, I wanted another baby. But, I was scared. I know...crazy, right? I was in my last semester of college...only a few short months before I walked that stage and received my degree. Something I've worked over 10 years for. (yes, I said 10 years) And, I knew how my other pregnancies went. (Severe morning sickness, fatigue, and hospitalizations) I did not want this to affect me walking across that stage, and I was determined it wouldn't.
Sure enough, morning sickness and fatigue, hit me like a ton of bricks. And, by far, this was the worse I ever experienced. I was rushed to the emergency room multiple times, until I was eventually hospitalized. It was devastating. In all honesty, part of me wanted to die. But, I couldn't. I had to fight. Jude would come to the hospital and pray the most fervent prayers over me. I could see in his eyes his desperation. He wanted me to get better. He needed me. I couldn't give up.
I was in the hospital for a month, and could not wait for the day I could go home. I was released one week before my senior exam. So, when most people had the entire semester to study, I had one week. It was crunch time. I still was not 100%, but I would not let that hold me back. I took the exam, and cried, afterwards, because I knew I failed. My graduation dreams were over. Lance told me not to lose hope. He knew how hard I tried, and had faith in me. The day I got the call from my professor, I knew it was going to be sad news. I prepared myself for the blow. The call went like this...
Hi, Jenna. Hi, professor. Well, I have your results for the senior exam...insert the longest pause of my life here...and, you passed. WHAT?!!...yes, you passed. Your score is A-. What?!! Congratulations, Jenna. See you at graduation.
That phone call goes in the record book for, probably, one of the best phone calls of my life. It just shows you, that you can never give up on yourself or your dream (even when all odds are against you).
Side note...my husband was absolutely superb through my pregnancy. There is no way I would have survived without him. He was forced to take on the role of single, working dad. And, honestly, he was amazing at it. I could not have asked for a better partner.
The day Zoe was born was probably the absolute worse day for me to go into labor. In fact, Lance said...you can go into labor any day, except, November 12. He was called to a job that day to work on a tv show...something he could not back out of. He told me, if I went into labor that day, he would most likely not make it to the hospital in time. So, the week before, I did everything to try to go into labor. everything. But, Zoe wasn't havin' it. She wasn't ready.
On November 11 (my due date), the day before Lance's big job, I had a doctor's appointment. The Dr said I was 2cm dilated, which wasn't much change from the last appt, but my cervix was getting soft, and the baby's head had dropped. He predicted I would deliver within the next week. I told him, as long as I don't go into labor tonight, I'm good. He laughed, and we went on our merry way.
Lance was working that night at his other job (closer to home), so we went about our normal routine. picked up the kids from school, Lance went to work, made dinner, cleaned the house. That night ,around 7pm, I started having mild contractions around 10 min apart. I did not think anything of it, because this had been happening the past few days, toward the evening time. I laid in the bed, and put my feet up to see if the contractions would go away. They weren't too unbearable, because I was able to distract myself while watching tv. Well, right before it was bed time for the boys, around 8pm, Jude kept complaining that he was still hungry. I told him I would make him a pb&j, but then we would need to start getting ready for bed. I got up to make him his sandwich, and that's when things started getting serious. The contractions started getting stronger, but were still about 10 minutes apart. I called Lance and told him I was having pretty painful contractions, and I would let him know if he would need to come home early. Two things were happening at this point...1) I was in complete denial about being in labor. This was the one day I did not want to go in labor. And, here it was, happening. 2) I am notorious for extremely long labors. So, if I was in labor, I was in no rush to get to a hospital.
I put the boys to bed, then went to lay down and watch more tv. Instead of things smoothing out, they started to get worse. I called Lance again and told him to come home, just in case. After Lance got home, we sat on the couch and debated whether we should go in. Between contractions, I would tell him no. During contractions, I would tell him yes. Finally, Lance said I needed make up my mind, because he had to be on set at 7am the next day. (It was already 10p)I was so upset. At this point, I knew it was labor, and Lance would most likely miss the birth. Hesitantly, I told him let's go. Lance loaded the kids and our bags in the car. Contractions were getting so intense, that I could barely walk. They were still about 7 minutes apart, but so painful. The drive to the hospital was a blur. I remember dropping the kids off, but don't remember much after that. It takes about 30 minutes to get to the hospital. All I remember is moaning and praying that we would make it. I never felt contractions so intense. They were coming more rapidly. All I could think was, as soon as I get to the hospital, I can get an epidural. It was midnight...
to be continued...
click play to see our beautiful baby girl moving around in my tummy
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