Zoe Harper: A Birth Story (Final Chapter)

Without further adieu...I am, finally, sitting down and finishing up Zoe's birth story. Zoe is, now, five months old, and I must finish this before her first birthday. I am scared it will soon be a blur and I will forget many of the important details...

Zoe came like a flurry. This birth was nothing like my others...Jude ( 2 weeks past his due date, 16 hours of labor, emergency c-section) & Caleb (18 hours of labor, pushed for 2 hours, successful VBAC). This birth was nothing like I expected. My doctor warned me the weeks leading up to delivery... the third baby will come fast. Do not wait to go to the hospital. Once those contractions start, head to labor & delivery. You would think I would have listened. ha!

As soon as my water broke, there Zoe was...ready to make her entrance. The "ring of fire" did not let up. I was half way between laying down and sitting up (if that makes sense). I was pushing with all my might. The doctor was yelling at me to stop pushing, but I couldn't. When your body tells you it's time to push, there's nothing that can stop it. Out of the slits of my eyes, I could see the doctors and nurses scuffling trying to get their gear on. None of us were ready for this. A nurse tried to stop me from pushing saying...Jenna, wait for Lance. He's not here yet. I was in too much pain to respond, but, in my mind, I was thinking...does this girl really think I care if Lance is here? They better get this baby out. AAAAHHHHHH! I continued to push. I felt them pull me back into the bed and hoist my legs up in some stir ups. At that point, I was able to open my eyes. I could see Lance run in with my mom. He took his position on my right side. He's always close enough to coach, but not too close to really see what's going on. He whispers in my ear and here we go again. AAAAHHHH! another big push. Deep breath...and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Deep breath....and again. At this point, I could feel some stress in the room. It must have been the baby's heart beat, because they were asking me to really bear down and push. Between every push, I tell them I can't go on. And with every contraction, I dig deep and somehow muster up the strength to keep pushing. At this point in labor, the best way to describe it is a lose-lose situation. If you don't push, you are in extreme pain. If you do push, you are in extreme pain. Your only thought is, get this baby out of me and I can, finally, feel ok. It took about ten minutes of this back and forth struggle. I remember looking at one of the nurses in the face. She said...Jenna. look at me. look at me! You can do this. We need this baby out, now! I knew something was wrong. I had to give this all I had. I bore down and pushed with every last drop of energy I had. At the same time, I could feel the doctor pulling. They needed to get this baby out. Finally, the head was out...and with one final push the shoulders. I threw my arms back with a huge sigh of relief. I was finally finished. With one, big, beautiful cry, I could hear my baby girl scream. They laid her on my chest, umbilical cord still attached. She nuzzled herself right into my arms. My first words were...Wait...did anyone check if it was a girl? The entire room started laughing. Yes, Jenna, she's still a girl...the doctor said with a chuckle. My next question was...morphine, please? And, they obliged.

Zoe stayed awake for four hours after birth without a single cry. She looked around just soaking in every sound and every sight. Her face said...this is what I've been hearing. This is where I belong. This is my family. All I thought was... she was absolutely perfect in every way. Thank-you, God, for this wonderful blessing.

After the birth, I had more complications. Because of the rapid birth, my IV had come out of my arm and there was no time to re-insert it. Therefore, they had to give me a shot of pitocin after the birth, as opposed to, through the IV. Because of this, my uterus was not contracting back and I was losing too much blood. I will spare you the details of what happened next, but it was gruesome. I would not wish it on my worse enemy. But, I am grateful to God that my body was able to regulate and I was ok.

After awhile they took Zoe away for her stats and a clean up. She weighed in at 8lbs 7oz! She was not a fragile baby by any means. She could hold her own head up and look around. We were all stunned. We stayed 24 hours in the hospital, and, then, were able to go home.

I have to say, this was my most difficult birth. Many people say...why? she came so fast. But, it was excruciating. I really have no idea how anyone could give birth without an epidural. But, somehow, I was able to do it. I am still in awe.

With three different birth experiences, I can say that Zoe's had the best recovery. With Jude and Caleb, I had slight post-partum depression. After giving birth naturally, I discovered that my hormones were able to regulate more quickly, because I was able to bond with the baby immediately. I still had the baby blues, but it was much more manageable. I owe that to prayer, the natural birth, and it being my third birth. Also, I healed more quickly physically after the natural birth. If I had to do it again, I would probably still ask for an epidural, though. Those things are amazing! ; )

I hope you enjoyed my birth story. I, also, hope that, one day, Zoe can look back on this story and know how much she is loved. And, how hard I had to push myself to get her here. When I saw her face, it was all worth it.

The End.

Zoe Harper: A Birth Story (Part II)

I guess it may seem strange, but one of my favorite hobbies is story-telling. Well, maybe a hobby isn't the best term to use...maybe a pastime of sorts is a better term. Whatever it is...I love to tell a good story. And, even if it's not a good story, I like to make it sound exciting. Lance says I over-exaggerate (he's a more "tell it like it is" person), but I say...I just like to focus on the details. 

With that said...I am going to try my best, in this story, to be very candid and honest about Zoe's birth. I want those, who read this story, to understand the sacrifice and beauty of birth. It is not meant to scare anyone. I am telling it for two reasons: (1) I want Zoe to know how much I love her, how much she means to us, and what it took to bring her into this world (2) I want to empower women. I want women to realize how amazing their bodies are...how strong our minds are...and how great and merciful God is. 

**If you are pregnant, I would not suggest reading this story. Stories like these would make me fearful, when I was pregnant.**

After the 30 minute drive to the hospital, we finally arrived at midnight. Parking was difficult to find, so Lance dropped me in the front. Contractions were now about 5-7 minutes apart and stronger than I had ever experienced. I have no idea why, but my hospital has stairs going up to the front door, to be checked in. I remember looking at those stairs like they were Mt. Rushmore. There was no way I was going to be able to get up there. I could have went around to the handicap ramp, but that too seemed traitorous. I contemplated waiting for Lance, but, who knew how long that would take. I remember telling myself...Jenna, you have to get up these stairs. I pulled myself up the first couple, until the contractions started coming in full force. I could tell they were closer together and stronger. My memory is vague, but I remember people passing me on the stairs. It is sad now to think about it. They just stared at me and passed me by. What if I was really by myself? Nobody even offered to help me up those stairs. It probably took me about 10 minutes to get up those stairs and into the elevator. When I, finally, got to the front desk to check in, Lance had caught up with me (bags in tow). I have no memory of what I said to the triage nurse, but I'm sure she saw the pain in my face. They immediately got me a bed and some clothes to change into. (It was now about 12:30) 

Once I got hooked onto the monitors, my contractions were off the charts and about 2-3 minutes apart. The nurse kept telling me to breathe through the contractions. I really wanted to tell her to shut-up, but the pain was so intense, that I couldn't form any words. The doctor came in and checked me. She said I was 4cm, so they would be keeping me. She ordered my epidural and the nurses drew some blood. At this point, Lance asked me if he should call my parents. I told him I wasn't sure, because I was only at a 4. We both knew my labors were long, and we didn't want people to be waiting for hours. Contractions continued to get worse, so Lance went ahead and called my parents. 

At about 1am, they had a room ready for us. They asked me, if I could walk over there. I said sure. Lance grabbed our stuff and followed the nurse. Another nurse walked with me. The room was literally around the corner, but it took me about 10 min to get there. Contractions were about 1 minute apart. I know this because, I had no time between contractions to rest. I remember during one contraction in the hallway I put my head on the nurses station and just moaned and rocked. The nurse at the desk ask the nurse walking with me how far along was I. My nurse told her...4cm about 1/2 hour ago. All I remember the nurse saying is...no way...she looks like she's about to have that baby. By the time I got to the bed, I was begging my nurse for the epidural. She said they were still waiting on labs, but it would be here shortly. I must have transitioned at this point, because the pain was unbearable. My contractions were right on top of each other. I kept telling the nurse I had to pee. she said...do you have to push or pee? I said pee and she said it's probably the pressure on my bladder. I started tossing and turning. The nurse was trying her best to calm me. But, I could not remain calm. The pain was excruciating. The next thing I know, I jumped out of the bed. The nurse very calmly helped me get back in bed, and reassured me my epidural was coming. I looked over at her and saw her calling the doctor. She must have been nervous, because I could hear her saying...you need to get over here now. The doctor was there in about 30 seconds with 2 other people. I remember her calling my name, telling me to breathe, and checking me. I was now 5cm. By this point, I was in desperation. Soon, my mom walked in and told me she was there. Finally, my knight in shinning armor arrived, just in time, with his epidural cart. I could not have been more happy to see anyone in my life. They asked everyone to leave the room. Lance went down the hall to use the restroom, my mom told my dad I was getting the epidural and if he could go grab her a bite to eat. 

As the team prepped me, I became completely panicked. My contractions were right on top of each other and the pain was so intense that I could not remain still. I cried to the nurse...I don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm getting no break between contractions. You're going to have to she said. She sat me up and leaned me over a pillow. The anesthesiologist took one look ay me and said...I don't know if I can do this. She seems like she's much farther along than a 5. Can someone please check her before I attempt to do this? A doctor came in to check me. After two tries, she could not find my cervix. They called in another doctor. She checked me. Jenna...she said...you are 8cm. The baby's head is right here and your bag is bulging. I can break your bag and you can have this baby right now or you can try for the epidural. I could not even fathom, in my mind, doing this without an epidural. The thought of not having that option never entered my mind. So, I said...I need the epidural. The doctor said ok. She got off the bed and I moved to sit up and get the epidural (2:00am). As soon as I moved...

S P L A S H...

My water broke. All I can recall is people running in the room. And, there, out of the corner of my eye, my knight in shinning armor ran out the door...

...to be continued.

Zoe Harper: A Birth Story (Part I)

I cannot believe it has been three short months, since I gave birth to my precious little girl. It seems crazy to say, but it feels like she's always been here. Like in a strange way, she has been a part of our family from day one. It's hard to formulate into words how she has balanced us out, but our family just feels whole.

As of recently, her birth is starting to become a distant memory for me, as we are starting to get back into our routines. Before it's a complete blur, I wanted to make sure I documented it. Hopefully, Zoe will read this story, one day, and realize how much I fought for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually...how much I loved her and tried my best to cherish every part of her. 

A little disclaimer before I begin...

I will be writing everything down as I remember it. So, my storytelling, grammar, etc. may not be the best. This is more of a free writing journal entry. So, please take it as such. Also, picture quality will be very poor. As you will soon discover, Zoe's birth was somewhat traumatic, and the last thing on our minds was taking a picture.

With that said, I hope you enjoy our story...

Zoe was born on her due date, November 11, 2014. She let out one big cry, then opened her eyes to this big, new world. It was almost like she realized she was home, and began to look at everything. They laid her, immediately, on my chest, where she stayed for a good hour. She never fell asleep. She just looked around with a look on her face that said...I know these people, this is my home.  

The moment I became pregnant with Zoe, I knew it. I guess after 2 kids, you immediately know that shift in your body. I took a test, and sure enough, it was positive. I was unsure of my feelings at that time for so many reasons. Yes, in my heart, I wanted another baby. But, I was scared. I know...crazy, right? I was in my last semester of college...only a few short months before I walked that stage and received my degree. Something I've worked over 10 years for. (yes, I said 10 years) And, I knew how my other pregnancies went. (Severe morning sickness, fatigue, and hospitalizations) I did not want this to affect me walking across that stage, and I was determined it wouldn't.

Sure enough, morning sickness and fatigue, hit me like a ton of bricks. And, by far, this was the worse I ever experienced. I was rushed to the emergency room multiple times, until I was eventually hospitalized. It was devastating. In all honesty, part of me wanted to die. But, I couldn't. I had to fight. Jude would come to the hospital and pray the most fervent prayers over me. I could see in his eyes his desperation. He wanted me to get better. He needed me. I couldn't give up. 

I was in the hospital for a month, and could not wait for the day I could go home. I was released one week before my senior exam. So, when most people had the entire semester to study, I had one week. It was crunch time. I still was not 100%, but I would not let that hold me back. I took the exam, and cried, afterwards, because I knew I failed. My graduation dreams were over. Lance told me not to lose hope. He knew how hard I tried, and had faith in me. The day I got the call from my professor, I knew it was going to be sad news. I prepared myself for the blow. The call went like this... 

Hi, Jenna. Hi, professor. Well, I have your results for the senior exam...insert the longest pause of my life here...and, you passed. WHAT?!!...yes, you passed. Your score is A-. What?!! Congratulations, Jenna. See you at graduation.

That phone call goes in the record book for, probably, one of the best phone calls of my life. It just shows you, that you can never give up on yourself or your dream (even when all odds are against you).

Side note...my husband was absolutely superb through my pregnancy. There is no way I would have survived without him. He was forced to take on the role of single, working dad. And, honestly, he was amazing at it. I could not have asked for a better partner.

The day Zoe was born was probably the absolute worse day for me to go into labor. In fact, Lance said...you can go into labor any day, except, November 12. He was called to a job that day to work on a tv show...something he could not back out of. He told me, if I went into labor that day, he would most likely not make it to the hospital in time. So, the week before, I did everything to try to go into labor. everything. But, Zoe wasn't havin' it. She wasn't ready.

On November 11 (my due date), the day before Lance's big job, I had a doctor's appointment. The Dr said I was 2cm dilated, which wasn't much change from the last appt, but my cervix was getting soft, and the baby's head had dropped. He predicted I would deliver within the next week. I told him, as long as I don't go into labor tonight, I'm good. He laughed, and we went on our merry way.

Lance was working that night at his other job (closer to home), so we went about our normal routine. picked up the kids from school, Lance went to work, made dinner, cleaned the house. That night ,around 7pm, I started having mild contractions around 10 min apart. I did not think anything of it, because this had been happening the past few days, toward the evening time. I laid in the bed, and put my feet up to see if the contractions would go away. They weren't too unbearable, because I was able to distract myself while watching tv. Well, right before it was bed time for the boys, around 8pm, Jude kept complaining that he was still hungry. I told him I would make him a pb&j, but then we would need to start getting ready for bed. I got up to make him his sandwich, and that's when things started getting serious. The contractions started getting stronger, but were still about 10 minutes apart. I called Lance and told him I was having pretty painful contractions, and I would let him know if he would need to come home early. Two things were happening at this point...1) I was in complete denial about being in labor. This was the one day I did not want to go in labor. And, here it was, happening. 2) I am notorious for extremely long labors. So, if I was in labor, I was in no rush to get to a hospital. 

I put the boys to bed, then went to lay down and watch more tv. Instead of things smoothing out, they started to get worse. I called Lance again and told him to come home, just in case. After Lance got home, we sat on the couch and debated whether we should go in. Between contractions, I would tell him no. During contractions, I would tell him yes. Finally, Lance said I needed make up my mind, because he had to be on set at 7am the next day. (It was already 10p)I was so upset. At this point, I knew it was labor, and Lance would most likely miss the birth. Hesitantly, I told him let's go. Lance loaded the kids and our bags in the car. Contractions were getting so intense, that I could barely walk. They were still about 7 minutes apart, but so painful. The drive to the hospital was a blur. I remember dropping the kids off, but don't remember much after that. It takes about 30 minutes to get to the hospital. All I remember is moaning and praying that we would make it. I never felt contractions so intense. They were coming more rapidly. All I could think was, as soon as I get to the hospital, I can get an epidural. It was midnight...

to be continued...

click play to see our beautiful baby girl moving around in my tummy